yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
