I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
