My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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