the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
