i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
