i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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