I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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