ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I lost the right to judge tonight
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
