Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
