I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
