On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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