My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
