C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
