You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
