is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
