Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
