Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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