if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
