with your own penis?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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