Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
