If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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