also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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