my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
