hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
