i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
