shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
