Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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