Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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