He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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