i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just saw a hot homeless man
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
