I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
