guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
