I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this will be a night to untag.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
