Do you still have your period?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
