I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
