What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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