lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
