marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
