Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
