You just made me feel so damn special
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
