Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
