if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
