Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
