My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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