He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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