Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
