i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
