oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
