I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
