i barfeds in our rink
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
