YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
