R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
